anabiosis

that's what i'm goin to be in, i guess...surprising things have been happening, so i think i'll do something which will come as a complete surprise to myself. firstly, i have total strangers coming n telling me they liked marty and i have no fucking clue how they found out. n its not an entirely comfortable feeling. especially when someone comes and says 'keep up the good work'. that was pretty much a once in a lifetime burst of inspiration and it came at a time where i was seriously contemplating whether i should actually think about writing a book in the distant future, when i'd hopefully amass a passable vocabulary. well, that doesn't seem like an option any more, because a whole lot of stuff has kinda leeched all the creative shit outta me. n i'm stuck bein like this i guess. well, not that i'd've been good at it or anything, but its always nice to have a dream isn't it?

second surprising thing...i was rummaging through the freezer in a quest to un-ice some chocolate when i stumbled across a bar of soap. weird! i still have no idea how it got there. ma just gave me a sheepish smile when i bounced it off her (not literally you n00b!)

since things have been so surprising, i've decided to stop using the comp after today, until the exams get over. lets hope that at least this time around, i'll get a decent fucking percentage. its been downhill all the way from s3 and, well, it doesn't hurt to try now i guess...cya

hm...

wow, day 3 of manic depression and things just seem to get worse. this must be my lucky week. dang, i should've never woken up on sunday. sometimes i get the feeling i'm frigging bipolar. good things do happen though. dad gave me the key to the kinetic today, so that was pretty nice. was driving around most of the afternoon. went over to bob's place and got his lab record from him. i've gotto go get it certified tomorrow. but before that, i kinda have to draw a couple of diagrams in there to complete it. now i'm thinking 'wow, imagine that! i loathed writing my record and here i am, offering to do it for someone else...' me and my fucking principles! kotor2 got over today as well. so i guess i gotto go hunting for something else to play. gah, there's always heroes of might and magic.

screwed

i'm not in a very good mood. this is going to get fucking ugly, incoherent and downright rude. so don't fucking read it unless you fucking want to...

It’s the same thing, every fucking day. You go out there with this veneer of humour and sarcasm, refined by years of practice. One fine day, you decide to ask ‘Why? Where the fuck did everything go so wrong?’ and you get to thinking what you meant by that. It’s not as though anyone actually gives a fuck about you, because they basically don’t. At least, that’s what I’ve learned so far. Maybe it’s just me. Well, this is about me I guess…me as in my actual fucked up self which I don’t let anyone see. Sometimes though, you just feel as though you have to. Let someone see I mean. You can’t pin down the reason but it’s just a fucking yearning deep inside you that you can’t get rid of no matter what.

Maybe I actually want someone to be there with me, someone with whom I can be myself. Yea, right! As if that’s ever fucking going to happen! Well, it’s me so I don’t think I have to say anything more. It’s not like it hasn’t ever happened though. It has, but look where the fuck it got me to…and no matter how much you let someone in, they manage to fucking hurt you in the end. Then you start wondering why the fuck you started letting people in and you go back to the same old fucking yearning and wonder why the fuck it’s inherently there. Again, maybe it’s just me…and I think it is. It happened once, no biggie, you think its just some fucking anomaly somewhere that made it happen. Things get all hunky dory again and viola! There comes the sequel! Wow, a fucking sequel to something you wish had never fucking happened!

Eventually, you let it all go and decide ‘no fucking way I’m going through all of that again! Its in the past, I’m over it. Now to get on with my fucking life before I fucking forget I fucking had one.’ But no, it follows you around like a stray puppy desperate for attention. Lets get to the bottom line…I hate it when people decide upon something I’m fucking involved in without me around. That has happened next to never, but still a couple of more times than I’d have ever wanted it to. The news is relayed in the manner of a discussion about the fucking weather. Then it’s as though things had never been any different, and that fucking gets to me. Well duh! I don’t fucking know what the fuck is wrong so how the fuck am I supposed to react? It hurts when you’re there for someone and they’re there for you, and this fucking happens in the middle of all that; it hurts a lot. I’m not fucking exaggerating here. The funny thing is I keep hearing that if you keep everything bottled up inside you long enough, it threatens to come out. That has kinda never happened with me. Anything I want to keep bottled up inside me, I can. But the things I don’t, which are still fucking meant not to get around, do get around, which is, putting it mildly, irksome. Hm, I guess no matter how you are with someone, even if you’re the same with a lot of other people, it somehow fucking matters what others think you are and/or say about you. There’s nothing you can do about it either. Least of all when you have no fucking clue about what was fucking said. But there again, nobody gives enough of a fuck to let you know, ever.

I really appreciate the people who find stuff out about me by bloody asking me. I’ll say it out if it doesn’t involve other people. I don’t have a problem with that at all. Hell, I’ve had people ask me openly if I watch porno, among other things. There are few enough of them out there, and fewer still who’d actually believe you when you are honest about it.

Everything that has happened has actually given me my sense of humour and sarcasm (sarchasm, whatever the fuck fits in here). Now I’m cynical, to the point of nihilism, and I can fucking get along by myself, so I guess I should be fucking grateful if anything. But somehow, I’m not. This is me…and I wouldn’t change me for the world. Who the fuck was I saying this to anyway?

amazing!

wow, this has to be the best beginning to a week i've ever had before. went to sleep on saturday night, kinda early. turns out, i'd wake up kinda early too, at around 2 am. it felt like someone was ripping up my gut and grinding the pieces together. i spent the next three hours swallowing pills and then throwing them up, spectacularly. you know what, now i just know this week is going to be awesome! sarcasm aside though, i have decided to make the ultimate choice this week...japanese or gothic. this is going to be tough. i'd decided to start studying this week, but this seems to be so much more, erm...what's the word i'm looking for here, lucrative? ah, that'll do. or maybe...na, wait, that's for later. for now, let me go and play kotor2...again...

this seems to happen quite often

hm, this is weirdly repetitive...have you ever had a pretty damn decent day, so bloody decent that you can finally go to bed and think 'wow, maybe this isn't such a screwed up place after all'. n wen you wake up the next morning, it feels like something (which makes it all not-so-messed-up) is fluttering around you, managing to elude your grasp every single time. this looks like its going to be a long - and boring and pointless - day. i think the only good that's going to come off it is george n i going to see bob. he kinda met wit a little accident yesterday - bent his ankle all the way up to 90 degrees, sideways. o yea, there's another one too. i won't be able to write my record today owing to the fact that i don't have another one to write from :) so i guess i'm going to be neck-deep in shit tomorrow but i don't bloody care right now. since i'm going to be kicking myself up the arse anyhow, i think i'll go ahead and start right now. kotor2, here i come!!!

*influence gained*

sorry, couldn't help that last bit ;)

finally!

yay, i finally had a pretty decent day! we had a lab exam in the morning. a pseudo-one anyways. it was fun...all of us sitting inside one gigantic hall with a whole bunch of other ppl. well, you know the rest >:) after that, i got to drive hektor's unicorn for a lil. but due to unavoidable circumstances (cain sitting at the back wen the bike was leaning on my right foot. ok, let me explain this more clearly. 56 kilos -> me, somewhere around 150 kilos -> unicorn, somewhere around 95 kilos -> cain. put it all together and we get 'O FUCK, MY LEG!'), the driving lesson was cut short. heh, it was fun tho. finally got to meet namic again, that was pretty cool. then, hektor, gov n i went over to a friend's (hari!) place. gov had to leave, but we were there for a while. finally got a coupla games that won't assrape my antediluvian computer. got home and got kotor2 to work on my fucking ultra-low-end graphics card with pixel-fucking-shader1.4 in my fucking agp8x port. but it worked, so i guess i shouldn't be complaining. hey, the game i was really looking forward to playing turned out to have really shitty reviews, so i guess this'll do for now. ah, well, its been a pretty nice day so far. i'll post this tomorrow so as not to jinx the rest of it. l8r

the theory of nothingness

wow, this is the best thing i've been able to do in my LIC (Largely Irritating Circuits) lab ever. we had extra lab today because apparently we hadn't finished our circuits yet. i was just sitting there, staring at the breadboard, when, for the first time in millennia, an afflatus hit me. so here it goes...the theory of nothingness. its indisputable fact, so don't get any ideas!

consider the ideal human being (here, the characteristic of an ideal human is that he/she/it is flexible enough to get to a position from which he/she/it can accommodate their cranium up his/her/its posterior. it doesn't get any more ideal than this!). now, consider the circumstance which forms the very basis of their ideality (the head up the arse thingy!). all right, so it goes in, and at some point of time in its journey, it shall travel up the oesophagus and reach the oral cavity and come out of its mouth (nice picture eh?). but here, the entire head is in the oesophagus, so it comes out inside the body itself. then follows an endless chain of emergence and reemergence, which causes the body to constrict, eventually leading to a condition where the body no longer exists. thus, it is possible for a human being to disappear completely (forget the spontaneous combustion shit, this is a much more plausible explanation dontcha think? :D)

of course, gow thinks the idea of a person who starts by swallowing his/her/its feet is better. somehow, i tend to disagree. its too unexplicit for my liking :D:D:D


epilogue: protocol says that this message was meant to be put right up there before the lump of shit you just went through. but we say 'fuck protocol, bring on the laxative!!!'. the pure shit up there was explicit and shouldn't have been read by any people who don't appreciate explicit or borderline-explicit shit. so if you fall into the afore-mentioned category and still read it, i honestly and sincerely say to you, fucking n00bs!

random crap

on realising that my english has become deplorable insofar as adjectives can't begin to describe its degree of fucked-up-ness, i have decided to embark on a mission to improve it (again!). so i guess this is a start (hopefully!). i'm now going to post regularly (my frequency will be more than one post a month) about random crap or not-so-random crap or pseudo-crap, whichever appears to be more crappy at the time. (i like parantheses!) (so much so that sometimes i use them to spout nonsense, and i know they're supposed to have a point but their sheer pizazz has captivated me so much that even pointlessness seems appealing, like this long, sinuous, absurd and overladen-with-adjectives string of disjointed thoughts n words n shit n well, i guess you get the point of it all) (psych!)

o well, i have a lab exam tomorrow...and i'm supposed to be writing my bloody lab record. a friend of mine (bob!) was home the entire day and to our credit, we did complete quite a bit amidst all the CAD and the pepsi and the game reviews. i think i still have another good hour or four to go before my record will have the merest semblance of being complete, but what the hell, that's the way things are supposed to be aren't they? ack, i'm too bloody bored to go draw any of that shit now...sigh! things seem to get more and more boring by the day, don't they? i was so bored yesterday that i logged on to orkut and spent a good 10-15 minutes updating my profile n shit (i've kinda gotten hooked onto suffixing 'n shit' with sentences n paragraphs n shit).

n i'm at a point where my balance is down to 3 bucks...which is a harrowing experience for me because i usually spend a lot of time messaging a whole lot of ppl (its fun messaging ppl you spend the whole day with...right, hektor?). now i'm stuck with bloody incoming messages i can't reply to. its a cruel cruel world out there...

n shit

chef brian, i salute you...

Yes, it is peanut butter, no?

For millennia, the search has been infested by the ghastly turnips. Peppermint spray causes the implosion of purple stars in water purifiers. Ah, the devil regurgitates the llama onto the barren plains of unmistakability! Why has chaos run rampant on the lycra undergarments of perdition? Blasphemous are the cupcake people on planets alien to monkey poop, and rebellion is their costume. Malignant and evil, the organic mastodons embark on a journey to vilify the snorkels of the pseudo-merpeople in unknown universes. Parallelism is no longer a sane option. That is fact, insofar as the bullet penetrates the pulpy innards of video game consoles.

Evil colludes with microwaves in a desperate effort to snatch control of our grey matter. The last pocket of resistance lies in acorn fragments; also in detritus that remains after the nuclear explosion in Papua New Guinea. Strange are the ways of the force…the dark side has corrupted the spleens of raucous armadillos. Doomsday is nigh! Beware all ye mortals. Salvation lies in mutant egg-plants. Thus read the chronicles. Answer the ultimate question – what is behind door number 7? The Spartan army flees this wave of subliminal terror waves, modulated to hypersonic frequencies. Look to the kitchen, before it is too late. He will have the answer.

May the sign of the W, A, S and D lead you true…