Monday, May 19, 2008

On holy men and shit

Foreword: It is only fair to tell you that the author is a staunch atheist who finds it extremely irritating that his ma rubs religion into his face every single day. If your feeble minds can't stand a bit of religious mockery, you can go fuck yourselves.

“Oh fucketh! If I only kneweth, I could haveth fatheredeth more childreneth than the entireth fucking NBA Players Association. Eth!”

-PlayToe (Plato’s homophonic evil twin brother)

Dramatic recreation of actual events:

Lady: I have terrible headaches o swami.

Swami: Ah, I know just the cure…take off your clothes and let us copulate like hell so that your soul is cleansed by the holiness contained within my loins.

Lady: Ok o holy one. Whatever you think will lead to the cure

*a month later*

Lady: O holy one, the headaches have not ceased.

Swami: Hmmm…this is bad. The evil spirit that resides within you has maligned your soul greatly. I sense a disturbance in your aura that resonates with a growing evil.

Lady: My aura? Is that something like my kidney?

Swami: Umm…technically, o0o look, a birdie!

Lady: Birdie? Where?!?

Swami: Ahem! As I was saying, yours is a particularly difficult case. Do not worry my child, I know just the thing.

Lady: What is it, o wise one?

Swami: Let’s try a different position this time…one of them has bloody got to work. Or we’ll try sequencing them.

Now, seriously, how did this god-man shit get all out of hand? Take a look at this, for instance. It’s appalling to see that nobody fucking reported any of this. He’d have to have people to assist him now, wouldn’t he? No way are people so fucking stupid that they’d believe he was doing something legitimate with the truckloads of little girls that he took into his bedroom. O well, at least the police don’t need to raid any more DVD shops for a while – they have a stock of porno that’ll last them through the next three months. You must’ve heard about the swami who threatened to kill himself at the police station right? Then there is, perhaps, the biggest fish in the ocean.

Have people really become that fucking stupid? Anything that has a religious tag and the mob will gulp it down like anything. Wow, at this rate, maybe one should just stop cutting one’s hair, grow a fucking beard that extends from one’s chin to one’s crotch, preach peace and brotherly love while dealing with illegal arms shipments, be at the centre of a whirlpool of sex, pedophilia, lies, booze, videotape and drugs, shouting out gibberish occasionally, in a state of extreme stoned-ness so that one’s followers can interpret that as a message from god when one was in an enlightened state. All rightie then, one demands to be addressed as Swami Fraudananda from now on. Bow down at our feet, mortals, for we are the reincarnation of the one true god!

Prediction? What do you mean you need a fucking prediction? Oh, all right…we fucking predict that some guy named George who lives in the heart of Papua New Guinea shall die of extreme constipation at the ripe old age of seventy three. Now that that’s over and done with…all the ladies who need a cure for headache form a line in front of our palatial mansion please. We shall call you in one by one...


Blogger Philip said...

Holy men are the biggest assholes on earth. Everything else just pales in comparison.

Here's some atheistic balm to soothe the pain:

Blogger g-man said...

o yea, that they are...skimmed through the link. looks pretty damn cool :D thanks

Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm.. interesting.. yes there are a lot of AAswamis around i guess.. i have a bad feeling that this is just the tip of the iceberg..

Blogger Destination unknown said...

right yaar..all dose swamis n hloy stuff..jst bull shit..must kick deir ass...but ppl do beliv n go crazy 4 d religious whom 2 blame..whn time goes mor n more assholes r gettn attracted 2 all d crap in d name f myself bein n atheist z givn d max priority all d time..

Blogger g-man said...

well, i respect people who are religious for the right reasons, but not those who just go with the flow. definitely not those who are obsessed with these god-men motherfuckers

Blogger g-man said...

bob, mate, didn't see your comment. sorry about that. yea, there are a lot of them out there. a lot of gullible morons who believe in them too. hopefully someone will fucking stand up to them next time, before it gets out of hand

Blogger crazyBugga said...

its a pity that more than half of our population cant read [:)]

Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeha man..really this need sto be publicised...half of the population cant read...and whats even bad is that..other half wont want to believe /listen to this... fuckerss

Blogger g-man said...

crazy: yea, i know...but they still should have the sense to recognize fraud when they see it. at least after all this has happened.

samby: true...had an argument with ma the other day. she seems to believe in some of this shit. and over here, there are people who are campaigning against the devaswom minister because he said 90% of all god-men are phonies (see here). what's this country coming to?!?

Blogger Nayantara said...

Firstly, its a funny read. =)
About the god-men mania, I'm appalled how much money is given away in the name of God! :o Thousands every month! And some of the followers are very highly educated! So much for an illusion of security!

Blogger g-man said...

at last!!! someone who appreciates bad humour :P

money given to temples and stuff, well, i think it gets put to good use. its just the fact that some people will do anything that a fucking *holy* guy tells them to do. there are such *holy* men here who supposedly read your future. they'll tell you that you need to buy something and they can give it to you, and people actually shell out money for this. a lot of it is just this huge elaborate scam that a whole lot of people fall into, headfirst.

Blogger vasu said...

Get urself a "Holy" status and become "untouchable" .Ya, he is the latest in the list, some crooks are ready established, like Satya Sai baba...amrtanadha will they ever be exposed and brought to the limelight like ths???these fraud swamis are just the tip of the iceberg.....many more need to be exposed...its the fucking society that has given them this fucking status in the society...

Blogger Solitaire said...

Really!! All this has been going on since such a long time. I remember hearing about these things as a child and these were so ingrained in me that anytime I saw a SWAMI I would run for miles!! I think I am phobic to them!

Blogger g-man said...

vasu: yea, too established. the thing is a lot of people will choose not to believe them even if someone exposes them. its sad the way things are.

solitaire: lol i'm not phobic, i just despise them! i've never given a swami the finger before...wonder what that'll feel like :D

Blogger The Smokin' WDM2 said...

lol.. giving a swami the finger haha - a must-try! But be careful though, since some of them might take in the "Wanna root?" sense and grab the precious ;)

I respect spirituality and rational religiousness... not some bloody God-Man. Heck, you can't be both at the same time.

Blogger g-man said...

gah he/it wouldn't be able to get his/its hands around mine ;) even i respect rational religiousness and morality, despite the fact that i am morally retarded and rationally irreligious. but wats goin on is just plain sick!


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