why, you ask yourself...and its not the first time. its kinda hard to try to comprehend most of the stuff you do because you're never in complete control of what you think. every single fucking decision you make could've been different if you had been in a different state of mind. what makes it harder is the fact that you've been going down a road you know isn't the right one, but its the only choice that you're not blinded to. rather, the only choice that you are willing to see. you know it isn't the right one almost all the way to the very end of it. you stand there, in sight of the destination that you've been trying so hard to avoid, just trying to comprehend how utterly wrong you are. you've become so numb and distant that you no longer understand something that has been there with you your whole fucking life, something that brought you to a point that you were comfortable being at. its funny how you can warp and distort everything that happens/happened, just because of a single event. now you've distanced you from yourself, so much so that you try to hide behind a third person's point of view. wow, has it really come that far? i know i hate people telling me what to do, but i never realized that i've been so obsessed with that hate that i've come to a point where i am convinced that i should not do that exact thing. so do me a favour...don't fucking tell me what i should or shouldn't do. its my life, i'll fucking figure it out. i'm perspicacious enough to discern what's going to happen as a result of what i do, and i do not fucking appreciate it when you point it out to me. next time, i think i'll just say 'go fuck yourself' and be on my way. don't let it come to that. interpret this as you will, but just know that there are some of you i'd rather not lose.