Tuesday, May 20, 2008

A first

I met with my first accident on a two wheeler, this Sunday. Embarrassingly, it was on a fucking Kinetic Honda. So now, I can go be a member of this tattooed die hard biker gang and be a part of their extremely macho first crash conversation…

Biker 1: Oh, I remember my first accident. Yes siree, it was on my very first Ducati. Don’t remember too much about what happened though. I woke up in the hospital and found my wife staring at me worriedly.

Biker 2: O yea, I broke my collar bone, my shin, three ribs and two teeth…on this very Harley.

Me: I remember mine like it was only yesterday, when actually it was on the day before. (I pause for laughter here, but get only uncomprehending stares). I fell off a scooter. Scraped my arm and my leg; here, wanna see?

At this point, it’d end with me running out when they’re rolling on the floor laughing their fucking asses off. Fuck, it’s so so SO embarrassing! To top it all off, it bloody hurts! Yea, that’s right, even though it’s only a bit (well, more than a bit, but not a lot) of skin that I, as my dad puts it ‘donated to the road’, it fucking hurts!!! Ma took me to a doctor yesterday because I was yelping around in pain any time a stiff draft came my way. The doc’s like

Doc: (bites his tongue) Yikes, skin wound eh?

(Me: Ya think?!?)

Doc: Its gonna hurt like hell. (To my mum) When it’s a skin wound like this, all the nerve endings will be exposed.

Ma: I told him not to bathe today.

Doc: O no no no he should have a bath. All the debris has to be cleared away. And it looks like you have a scab on top. That prevents air from reaching the wound and it’s gonna get all infected. You should go home, take a bath, and make sure you scrape off all that scab.

(Me: You ought to be fucking kidding me…scrape it off? It hurts when a fucking breeze hits it!)

At the end of it all, I took a bath, scraped off all of the bloody scab, scared quite a few neighbors while I was at it. Come to think of it, I was literally moaning in pain because I couldn’t scream. I hope they didn’t take it for something else. Fuck, that’s probably why they’re all looking at me funny now. O well, 19 has been a fucking bad year. Can’t wait till it finally ends…I just hope it’s done sodomizing me before it finally dies kicking and screaming.


Below is a poor recreation of the accident using Microsoft Paint :) sorry, couldn't help this 1 :P



28 Comments:

Blogger MaStEr KeNoBi said...

duh.. is ur scooter doing k? poor thing.. cudnt find it in ur ms paint drawing..

20:37  
Blogger fantasia said...

hilarious....
i especially liked the picture...cute!
and r u better nw?

20:57  
Blogger HeraShort said...

Whoa that sucks, but at least you can make light of the situation with ridiculously funny paint drawings. Hope you get better soon.

21:05  
Blogger Beach Bum said...

Hang in there dude, honestly I've been told the first accident is always the worst. I'm adding you to my blogroll when I get home. At work right now and can't get that deep.

21:24  
Blogger g-man said...

bob: you monster! you're worried about the bleeding scooter?!?

gow: thanks :) and i'm fine. like i said, only skin wounds...

hera: aw i'm doing good over here. thanks for d wishes :)

bb: lucky for me i didn't fall on to the road tho :) the stupid truck driver was hogging my lane on a two-lane road so i had to go off the road. thanks for dropping by :)

08:14  
Blogger Nirmal's Blog said...

ha ha ....oops sorry.....
tat was a sad story....

how u doing now..

09:51  
Blogger g-man said...

oh, i'm doing fine now, thank you very much for asking. goin over to a friend's place in d afternoon :)

09:59  
Blogger Keshi said...

omg G-man u better TC!

lol @the pic...sorry I didnt mean to laugh at ya, but it was a cute sketch.



**Can’t wait till it finally ends…I just hope it’s done sodomizing me before it finally dies kicking and screaming.

PMSL!


TC
Keshi.

10:48  
Blogger g-man said...

yea i'm fine...totally. shocked @ d pmsl :P but seriously, i can't wait

13:10  
Blogger Amooma said...

u think ur cousin is my friend? the designer?

16:18  
Blogger g-man said...

no, my cousin is a journo actually :) was just sayin it coz she's d only person i know who's in a similar situation

18:39  
Blogger Taarika said...

skin wounds suck...was there blood?!?!
i hate blood...if im bleeding (which, for me involves even tiny itsy bitsy almost invisible droplets) i first scream a lot, then start hyperventilating and then faint. when i come to, i start crying and stuff. and I whine and throw huge tantrums for days...yea im a huge baby...but maybe that'll mkae u feel better :)

20:13  
Blogger g-man said...

oh i'm quite used to getting wounds. its just that i bloody hate skin wounds. they aren't deep but they're bloody wide and, they hurt like anything and, well, they're just plain bloody! yep, there was blood. lots and lots of it. i managed to soak a hanky and my jeans pockets on my way home. yep, i had to drive the scooter all the way back home. sigh!

21:02  
Blogger Nayantara said...

Forget me for ROFL. =D
The biker-gang convo had me LMAO. (My parents' worst fears were confirmed they saw me howling in front of the monitor =/)
My first accident, I fell into this empty bushy site as a last desperate resort after being chased by some dogs. =/ Yours is a lot less embarrassing. =/
The sketch is ssoooper! =D

21:19  
Blogger g-man said...

ah, so someone finally found the biker gang convo funny. welcome to the society of extremely bad humour and puns, of which i'm currently president. since you're only the second member, you can be vice president if you wanna :D

o yea, since you mentioned it, what IS your parents' worst nightmare?

i fucking hate it when stray dogs chase people. i'll tell ya about my ma's first accident. she was learning how to drive. well, actually, she hadn't graduated to that yet and so was consigned to pushing the scooter around without the engine turned on. she *drove* it into a ditch. i still have no idea how. and no, she does NOT have a licence...

21:29  
Blogger Taarika said...

so take pleasure in the fact that you're not a huge whiny spoilt bratty lil baby like me!!! :)
if it were me i wuda started crying rite there and screamed for my mommy...sad....when am i evr gna grow up!??!?!

21:42  
Blogger Nayantara said...

I'm tailor-made to be vice. I'll manage the president part too.
(now you can tickle yourself and laugh) =/
Among others, my parents' fear I'm growing so stupid I'd try to hang myself with a cordless phone. And insane too. Of course, coutesy: internet.
Oh, poor your-mom! =D
For that matter, I don't have a license too. And I've successfully eluded the cops for 2 years! 8)

AND this N17 thing on your blog is highly stupid. =P

22:02  
Blogger g-man said...

taarika: you'll manage. i managed to do it, so pretty much anyone can :)

nayantara: lol i kinda don't need to tickle myself. that's the kinda joke i'd be saying in the middle of an extremely *interesting* class in college. the cordless phone thing was brilliant, lmfao. and my parents already know i'm clinically insane. they decided against committing me coz they know i'll break out of anything they throw me into :) fortunately though, i do have a licence. and i'm quite aware its stupid. just another stupid thing on here eh? :P

09:22  
Anonymous hammy said...

You think THAT was embarrassing??? Oh, God... compared to mere mortals, maybe...

MY first accident... was on my bicyle...

I know... You're going "Oh, come on, shitface. Bicycle accidents don't count. Don't be a baby."

Oh, bicycle accidents count. This one CERTAINLY counts.

I was riding on my once-trusty cycle, as fast as it would go... some would say faster... I was carrying my hard disk to my friends' place cos he had a few movies on his disk that I wanted. I needed to reach him before he left for his college. And nothing else registered. Not the speed. Not the pile of sand kept by the side of the road. Not the narrow passage that opened up my way. And last, but not least... NOT the family on a bike that came facing me...

It was the typical bike riding family... Wife seated in the back, husband sternly handling the handlebars, and a little girl lying flat on the fuel tank, sleeping... probably drooling on it after a long ride.

Our tyres collided tyre-on... and we collided head on. I flew from my cycle. I was considerably lighter back then, but even then, being thrown took a lot of doing... He was wearing the type of helmet which covers everything but the eyes and nose.

I left his eyes. But my sharp balding head hit directly at his nose. Daniel Day Lewis was right. There WAS blood.

It's still a weird memory. My cycle versus his bike. My head versus his helmet.

Classic David v/s Goliath story.... except in this case, Goliath was the innocent one....

16:44  
Blogger c.H.a.O.s FrEaK said...

this was a highway when I came, now it's more like a crowded stinking market-street.

i've srsly no idea if that shhud be embarassing.

i havnt had a single accident yet. n im off on my scooter in a while. :-) hope I come back to comment more

17:20  
Blogger g-man said...

hammy: holy shit! that must've been some accident. fortunately for me, i only rode a bike for around three years. managed to get my bike run over by a car once, but i fell safely to the side. who the fuck is daniel day lewis? i'm too drunk to google rite now :|

sharan: this was a highway when I came, now it's more like a crowded stinking market-street. what you talkin about man?

18:07  
Blogger Macadamia The Nut said...

LOL!!!!!!!
Omg!!! You baby you!! :D
But same pinch! Looks like we're sailing in the same boat. Here's to a speedy 'recovery' then. heh heh

18:45  
Blogger g-man said...

maca: ummm...goo goo gaa gaa?!?

n thank you :)

18:55  
Blogger Macadamia The Nut said...

*looks around for the pacifier*

08:14  
Anonymous n i t i n said...

AARGHH!!!!

MS PAINT!! damn, sad shit!

phleeze don't do it again!! I beg you..it's PUNISHMENT!!!

neways..hope you are okay now.. :P
and wishing you that your 20th year will be way better..

happy birthday bro...

caio!

10:56  
Blogger g-man said...

maca: me ate pacifier while throwing a tantrum :P

nitin: ah yes, i shall be inflicting more of poorly sketched caricatures on you all. in the words of the famous veeraputhradas packiachandra prabhu, die man die!!!

thanks for the b'day wishes macha

13:32  
Blogger The Smokin' WDM2 said...

more importantly... hows ur scooter, man :)

16:28  
Blogger g-man said...

more importantly, eh? nothing happened to the bloody scooter!

17:33  

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