I met with my first accident on a two wheeler, this Sunday. Embarrassingly, it was on a fucking Kinetic Honda. So now, I can go be a member of this tattooed die hard biker gang and be a part of their extremely macho first crash conversation…
Biker 1: Oh, I remember my first accident. Yes siree, it was on my very first Ducati. Don’t remember too much about what happened though. I woke up in the hospital and found my wife staring at me worriedly.
Biker 2: O yea, I broke my collar bone, my shin, three ribs and two teeth…on this very Harley.
Me: I remember mine like it was only yesterday, when actually it was on the day before. (I pause for laughter here, but get only uncomprehending stares). I fell off a scooter. Scraped my arm and my leg; here, wanna see?
At this point, it’d end with me running out when they’re rolling on the floor laughing their fucking asses off. Fuck, it’s so so SO embarrassing! To top it all off, it bloody hurts! Yea, that’s right, even though it’s only a bit (well, more than a bit, but not a lot) of skin that I, as my dad puts it ‘donated to the road’, it fucking hurts!!! Ma took me to a doctor yesterday because I was yelping around in pain any time a stiff draft came my way. The doc’s like
Doc: (bites his tongue) Yikes, skin wound eh?
(Me: Ya think?!?)
Doc: Its gonna hurt like hell. (To my mum) When it’s a skin wound like this, all the nerve endings will be exposed.
Ma: I told him not to bathe today.
Doc: O no no no he should have a bath. All the debris has to be cleared away. And it looks like you have a scab on top. That prevents air from reaching the wound and it’s gonna get all infected. You should go home, take a bath, and make sure you scrape off all that scab.
(Me: You ought to be fucking kidding me…scrape it off? It hurts when a fucking breeze hits it!)
At the end of it all, I took a bath, scraped off all of the bloody scab, scared quite a few neighbors while I was at it. Come to think of it, I was literally moaning in pain because I couldn’t scream. I hope they didn’t take it for something else. Fuck, that’s probably why they’re all looking at me funny now. O well, 19 has been a fucking bad year. Can’t wait till it finally ends…I just hope it’s done sodomizing me before it finally dies kicking and screaming.